So, my girlfriend and I were gearing up to move in together and it was then that I realized how expensive living out in the real world can be. Previously I had always been under the care of my parents and so I was completely oblivious to all the day-to-day expenses and something that really stuck to me early on was how expensive good toilet paper was. I mean it was easily forty bucks for a month’s supply of these doomed to be flushed paper.

Anyway we had gotten a place already , we were just taking our sweet time moving in, I mean all we had in the place was a mattress and a really questionable dining table. Questionable in that I wasn’t so sure it’d even support the weight of anything heavier than an empty pizza box, our only test of its capabilities. But this whole toilet paper issue was really killing me and I just couldn’t stand the idea of having to constantly resupply our stock let alone even think about getting situated in our new home. So, I had the bright idea of spending most of my paycheck on toilet paper. Damn near nine months worth of good ass toilet paper.

Now, I’m dragging these boxes filled with nothing but toiler paper into our barren apartment and I’m just swelling with pride as my girlfriend stares at me completely baffled. I didn’t need to explain myself to her. She just couldn’t see the big picture. A couple of days pass and I would just periodically check the linen closet to admire at my apocalypse worthy stash.

Then one night I am being shaken awake by my girlfriend and she’s just screaming for me to get up. I sit up and immediately I go from the darkness of sleep to the the darkness of being surrounded by thick black smoke. I am just coughing my lungs out reaching for her, I get a hold of her wrist and she’s pulling me from the carpet of our bedroom, over the wood of the living room to the concrete and then grass of outside. This whole time I am just coughing and stumbling behind her ineptly and upon reaching safety I’m just jerked to a halt and met with an embrace. We just hold each other watching as our briefly occupied home and the homes of the entire complex go up in flames and I can hear her whispering how glad she is that I’m okay, but all I could think was “I just wasted three hundred bucks on fucking toilet paper.”