I want to abandon all my rage
That hugs me tightly and lashes out
I will not stop beating upon my chest and gut
Till this anger is fettered by reason
And the seeds are buried in the rotted soil of my belly
Pray that it takes root and grows
Into a tree that sprouts and rips my skull open
And from this gaping wound some flowers might blossom
So that in my last moment I might finally bear fruit for my loved ones to eat

I’m behind the parapet looking over into the endless.

I bet she’s sleeping soundly at this very moment; wrapped or held and beyond the stars.

I feel the chasm call to me. It whispers sweet nothings and promises salvation.

I bet she is or will be loved.

So I leap.

I am pressing on into something better I hope

Life is short and I'll be unable to witness any fruits

But maybe for a brief moment there will be no labor

And I can breathe in deeply a calming stillness

I never notice when the weight is lifted
But I do know when it drops
A crushing force to my porous corpse
All my insides are flattened and I can see myself from the sky
I keep expecting my whole life to be laid out
So I can catalogue the backlog of reasons to not exist
I will make assertions about my character that I struggle to shake
Like black cats in ant hills
My ears ringing deaf to self validation and grace
My body torn asunder under the pressure of empty standards

There is a cold embrace
That I must face
A desire to live and be well
That I must now quell

I simply can not escape this forest
For this dolt is just a tourist
A disruptive visitor
Looking for something simpler

Good riddance to dreams
They only ever tore at my seams
Pulling me away my stability
And reminding me of all the fear still in me